Today's Love Tip
If you have kids and a significant other with whom you have frequent arguments or general conflicts, then it's time to examine how that conflict affects the kids. Parents fight and families go through rough times, but experts say that the... Read More
More Love Advice
Save My Relationship - How To Get a Second Chance
In order to salvage your marriage and stop a divorce, you need to sway your ex to give the partnership a second chance. Still, how do you actually do this?

Regardless if divorce papers have already been filed and served, not all hope is lost. A divorce can be prevented at just about any point, regardless of whether you split yesterday or a year ago. Nonetheless, the quicker that you can ward off a divorce, chances are, divorce proceedings won't be restarted.{relatedarticles}

To preserve your marriage and stop the divorce, you will have to persuade your spouse to give you and your relationship a second chance. If you've been unrelenting, begging, even hounding your ex to get back together with you, halt instantly. This is the biggest mistake that most people make, and one of the worst things that you can do. You may be pondering that "if I don't keep working to get my ex back, then we'll never get back together."


It does seem counter-intuitive to allow someone the room that they require in order to get them back. It boils down to a psychological way of thinking called The Scarcity Theory. Simply speaking, the more you prevent someone access to something, the more that they want it. It's akin to the Law of Supply and Demand...the rarer something is, the more it is worth to someone.
If something is in abundance, not a lot of value is linked to it. So if you're in surplus to your partner, always begging him or her to take you back, it's not likely that he or she will find it attractive, and your marriage will be lost for good.{relatedarticles}

Rather than behaving badly, ranting and raving to your partner to take you back, try behaving like a mature adult. It will probably come as a pleasurable surprise to your ex and go a long way to stopping the divorce. Calmly accept that your marriage has experienced some tough times recently, and you're hurt, but you'd really like to give your relationship a second chance. Remember... be relaxed and truthful.


Yet another strategy to prevent divorce is to reveal your maturity and love by suggesting marital or couples counseling. Counseling has been effective for millions of individuals and couples. Your relationship will very likely benefit from it. Men and women, physically, are obviously different. What isn't obvious to a lot of people is that men and women, psychologically and emotionally, are VERY different. It is crucial to acknowledge this and fully understand exactly HOW they differ, so that you better comprehend your spouse's thoughts and emotions.

While in your counseling visits, you'll be given the opportunity to demonstrate to your spouse why you love him. You can remind him why you fell in love in the first place, and how you desire to have those days back, instead of fighting and arguing all of the time. Be honest, and give an honest attempt in wanting to clear up the marital problems that come up during counseling. That in itself may be enough to persuade your partner to stop the divorce for the time being, and perhaps permanently.{relatedarticles}

If you succeed in avoiding the divorce, remember that the tricky part is yet to come. You and your partner have a good deal of repairing to do. Bear in mind that the other person was prepared to divorce you, and it would be easy for them to change their mind and file for divorce later. Having initiated a divorce once already makes the decision to file again much easier. Be cognizant of the state of your relationship, and continue counseling.


Relationships can be complicated at times and something that you must constantly work on both individually and as a couple. However, just as they can be difficult, remember that they can also be very satisfying. Go now, download my free ebook and videos, and discover the steps you need to take to help get your ex back. If you use these free resources, I'm certain that they'll help you to Get Your Husband Back.{relatedarticles}

About The Author

Rebecca is one of the authors at TheMarriageCounsellor.com. She helps couples repair and rebuild their challenged relationships. Relationships can be very difficult. However, they can also be very rewarding. Discover the steps you should to take if you want to heal your sorrow, and let go of your frustration and anger, and be blessed with a loving, caring, rewarding relationship.

Uncover the exact steps you need to take to get your ex back. For a limited time, you'll get access to my book Tips to Save Your Marriage absolutely free. You'll also get access to videos where you'll learn things like the very first thing you should, and shouldn't, do immediately after a break-up. Go now, and discover how to get back your ex and rekindle that old flame.


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How to Heal a Broken Heart

Love hurts.

You finally find someone you thought was "Mr. or Ms. Right," only to learn they were all wrong. It just doesn't seem fair.

The good news is that time heals all wounds. While it wasn't the most pleasant feeling, it was definitely a learning experience. How can you mend a broken heart? According to grief counselor and breakup expert Susan J. Elliot, the end of a relationship is the same as other grief processes, which means there are phases to the process. The phases of breakup grief include "shock and disbelief," "review and painful relinquishment," and "reorganization, integration and acceptance." How an individual moves through these phases is based on the nature of their break-up as well as the individual's personality.{relatedarticles}

To help you through a break-up, it's important to have a plan of action. These 10 tips will help you ease the pain. It's important to keep in mind that everybody is different and recovers at their own rate.

Tip #1: Face the Pain

The worst thing you can do is turn away from your emotional pain and deny you are hurt. This will bury your feelings making it possible for them to emerge some other time when it isn't appropriate to feel them, for example, when you are in a new relationship.

The best way to face the pain of your broken heart is to think as much as you want to about the relationship, cry as much as you need to and talk to someone who will listen to you. Find a shoulder to cry on whether it's a family member, friend or professional. Processing what happened in the relationship by getting it all out will help make sense of it, so you can accept the reality and move on.


Tip #2: Understand the Relationship

Why didn't the relationship work out? To answer this, think about the relationship and all of the reasons why it just wasn't headed in the direction you or your ex wanted it to go in.

List all of the reasons why the breakup occurred and allow yourself to take it all in. Again, cry over it if you need to. The best part of this exercise is realizing and accepting the flaws in the relationship. As you unearth the major shortcomings, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that your relationship wasn't built to last.{relatedarticles}

Tip #3: List All the Reasons He Wasn't "The One"

No one is perfect, and a breakup is the ideal time to point out all of your ex's imperfections. What really got under your skin about him? What do you want out of someone else? The relationship didn't work out for a reason. Even if you can't find anything wrong with him, the mere fact he wasn't willing to work out the difficulties should be a major strike against him.

Relationships require work from both people, and it is difficult to make love last if one doesn't want to put in the effort to make the other happy.


Tip #4: List Your Awesomeness

Breakups can make you feel like you are a horrible person that no one will ever love again. Good thing this is simply not true.

Think hard about all of the qualities you love about yourself. Think about what your friends and family love about you. Be honest with yourself, not self-conscious. You are a great person, no matter if you make mistakes. You just need to realize it and that will make you feel you are strong enough to repair your broken heart and worthy to allow someone to love you again.{relatedarticles}

Tip #5: Take Care of Yourself

When you are depressed over a breakup, you might start eating and sleeping more or less than you normally do. This can make you feel ill and even more upset over the breakup.

Sleeping the right amount gives you even more energy and helps you process your emotions better. Eating well will help you feel less sluggish and provide you with the energy you need to get moving. Exercise will get your heart pumping and release endorphins that will help you feel better about yourself and the situation.


Tip #6: Think About Your Independence

Was there anything you wanted to do that you couldn't because you were in a relationship? Maybe you wanted to hang out with your friends more, have more time with family or see particular movies your ex didn't like to see. Now is your chance to do whatever you feel like doing with whomever you feel like doing it with, because no one stands in your way.

This is your life now. You are free. While you may prefer to be with your ex, rather than free, you can't deny the release of restraints when you no longer have to take someone else into account.{relatedarticles}

Tip #7: Consider the Future

The future may not seem bright to you right now, but just fantasize a bit about finding someone who is just perfect for you - someone who will come sweep you off your feet and carry you off into the sunset. Imagine a point in your life when you're happier than you have ever been with anyone, including your ex.

Can't seem to release those feelings for your ex because you miss him so much? You don't have to...just allow yourself to create a story in your mind despite the longing you have for your ex. Play around with it and try to have fun. If you find yourself smiling or feeling a bit hopeful for the future, you've succeeded.


Tip #8: Support Others

Sometimes the best way to deal with pain is to lend your support to someone else. It helps you see that your situation may not be as awful as you thought. It also may help you feel less alone when you see someone else going through as much grief as you feel.

Just be careful not to impose your problems on your friend's problems or she won't feel supported. If she comes to you for help first, you should focus on her. If you go to her first, she should help you.{relatedarticles}

Tip #9: Do Something New and Exciting

Living the same old life you were living when you were in a relationship will only remind you of how much you miss your ex and wish he were with you as he used to be. However, if you start engaging in new activities your ex was never part of, you won't miss him as much because it doesn't remind you of him.


Tip #10: Give It Time

Time heals all wounds. While you may want the pain to go away as soon as possible, it just doesn't work that way. You need to let yourself heal and that can take some time. Just hang on for as long as you need to start feeling better about the break-up. You will feel better...it just takes time.

When the Pain Ends

As you start to feel better and more like yourself, start to consider love again. You may be scared of it because you don't ever want to go through this type of pain again, it's important you give it another try. You never know whom you will find next and if that person will be the one you will be with forever.


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Signs Your Partner is Too Controlling

Our founding fathers understood that freedom is an essential part of human happiness and their words can be taken as excellent dating advice.

While most of us value our freedom in everyday life, sometimes we can lose sight of it in the context of a romantic relationship. Excessive control is one of the most common relationship complaints -- and one of the top reasons cited for the demise of a romance.

When a woman first meets a man, she may not notice his domineering tendencies. Often, the watered-down version of his controlling traits is what she'll be exposed to first, and ironically, these can be pretty appealing in a man.{relatedarticles}

In many ways, he can come off as the "perfect" guy: protective, decisive and utterly devoted to her. However, in time, she may begin to notice behavior that crosses the line from chivalrous to downright domineering.

Of course, controlling behavior isn't always incurable; there are ways to address this issue if both partners are willing to confront it and take steps to deal with it. The first step is recognizing that a problem exists. The following is a quick checklist of signs that your guy might be controlling.


  • He snoops. The FBI, the CIA -- they've got nothing on your man. He checks your email, your phone and your FaceBook page in order to keep close tabs on you. It's a sneaky game, and it can make you feel as though your privacy has been violated. It's always best to keep your passwords secure and to discuss privacy issues early.
  • He isolates you. At first, it might mean he gets pouty whenever you feel like having a girls' night. Later, as the relationship gets more serious, he may try and draw you away from friends and family so he can have you all to himself. Learn to recognize disparaging comments about love ones and realize he might turning you against your significant others.
  • He thinks he's the wardrobe police. This is surprisingly common. Many men feel that their female companions should dress in ways that make them (the men, that is) happy. Whether he wants you to dress down so other guys don't notice you, or wants you to dress up all the time so he can show you off, this type of controlling behavior can wear on your nerves and make you feel uncomfortable.{relatedarticles}
  • He gives you no space. Being smothered is no fun; everyone needs room to breathe. No matter how much your guy says he loves you, it can be annoying and stressful to get excessive cell phone calls and texts throughout the day. Does his world revolve around only you and your relationship with him? Does he have few or no other strong friendships?
  • He's extremely jealous. Jealousy is at the root of the control issue for most men. They act the way they do because of an overwhelming fear/anxiety that they will lose the women in their lives. To avoid the pain, they will try and control every aspect of the relationship.
  • He makes unilateral decisions. It takes 2 to make a relationship, and the partners need to respect and consider each other's preferences. If your partner thinks he knows best all the time, it can lead to many uncomfortable exchanges and frustrating scenes.

Controlling Behavior: Why it Exists and What to Do About It

Sometimes, people just have dominant personalities and don't learn how to give in and share power with others. In other cases, fear and insecurity is at the root of a controlling nature. The latter can be especially difficult to address because insecurity and fear can wreak havoc on a relationship.{relatedarticles}

He will tell you that his emotional outburst is because his ex cheated on him with half the guys in town/spent all his money/was mean to him/insert bad behavior here. Whether this is true or not, it doesn't mean he can use it as an excuse or that you should use it as an excuse for him.


As long as you're looking at your significant other in a realistic light, take the time to look at yourself in the same way. Is there anything you do that enables his controlling behavior?

Many relationships in which excessive control is an issue are actually mutually controlling. People with similar psychological traits often gravitate to one another. Take a look at your own behavior and ask yourself whether you may also be letting insecurities and fears take over your relationship.

Or on the flip side, if you sit back and let him take the reins in most matters just to avoid having to deal with things yourself, he will feel that you're OK with him being in the driver's seat all the time.{relatedarticles}

There are ways to handle a controlling partner, but it's rarely an easy undertaking. If your relationship is far enough along that you're committed to each other and the controlling person admits to the problem, you can set some goals and limits together.

For example, discuss how you'd like more autonomy in decision-making and set a schedule to take turns deciding what activities you'll do as a couple.

For insecure/jealous partners, you may need to set some strong boundary lines when it comes to personal space. If you don't, the behavior will continue unchecked. Unfortunately, your demand for increased privacy will probably just reinforce his fear that you are indeed seeking outside relationships.


 

In many cases, these issues respond better to couples' therapy. A therapist can help you both work through the problems and can give you a course of therapy designed specifically for the 2 of you.

When to Leave

If the relationship is in its early stages and you're not in too deep, your best course of action might simply be to end it. You can talk with him first and see if things improve, but be realistic. You won't do yourself or your man any favors by allowing things to progress when you can already see the warning signs of failure.{relatedarticles}

Leaving a controlling partner is even more difficult when you've been together long enough to share bank accounts and children, so bailing early sometimes can be the smartest course of action.

Abuse is the most important reason to leave a controlling partner. Not all controlling men are violent, but excessive, one-sided control is a prominent feature in the clinical description of an abusive relationship. If your partner shows signs of violence toward you, and that includes frequent vicious verbal attacks, you need to seek help and leave the relationship for the sake of your own safety.


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