It may seem like all bets are off when you and your partner start going at it in an argument. But out of respect and love for each other, it's important to follow a few rules of engagement so that you both fight fair. The first and most important rule is to remain in control. It's easier said than done, but losing your temper and using violence is inexcusable and an irrevocable mistake. Getting angry is understandable, but how you express it is of utmost importance. Before you begin your discussion, if you're the instigator, be sure that what you plan to argue about is worthwhile. You can't get angry at every little thing – you can choose not to fight, even when you're mad about something. See the issue from another side to be sure you should be broaching the subject confrontationally. Keep your fight private.

That means no major arguments in front of the kids, and no sharing the results of the conflict with your mom, his mom, your neighbor, girlfriends, etc. Be respectful of your relationship's boundaries and keep your dirty laundry between the two of you. Imagine how it would feel if someone outside of the relationship broached the subject of the argument with you – particularly if you assumed it was a private matter. Stay on task when arguing, and leave old grudges out of the current situation. Be sure you have a goal going into the discussion – what do you want to take away from the argument? What is the best-case scenario that may come from the conflict? It may help to envision the worst-case outcome as well to gauge if what's bothering you is really worth fighting about in the first place. One "rule" of fighting that you can forget? That old adage, "Don't go to bed angry." It's OK to do so once in a while. Sleeping on the matter or taking a short "time-out" to think about things is perfectly all right before you solve the problem. You may wake up refreshed, with a clearer head and ready to make amends.