The stereotypical divorce is far from civil, if you believe the TV shows, comedians and the rest of the media – not to mention people you know whose divorces rivaled a WWF match. However, it doesn't have to be that way, and you shouldn't just expect it to be a stressful, acrimonious experience. Divorce is a gradual process, not one that ends inside the courtroom or lawyer's office, so the decisions you make in the present definitely will have an impact on your future. First, be honest with yourself about the reasons why the marriage ended. Without blaming anyone, lay out the reasons – and it may help to write it down in a matter-of-fact, unemotional way. It's a huge help to involve a divorce mediator – an lawyer who is skilled in helping divorcing couples work out details fairly and impartially. It saves money, courtroom time and most important, grief, when you set out to keep things civil, so why not try hiring a mediator before snapping up the lawyer who has that "bulldog" reputation? It's much more non-confrontational and can start the process on the right foot. If there are kids involved, then it's that much more important to remain civil.