Breaking up is hard to do. It can be hard even if you are the initiator or if you are the one being dumped. Why are they so hard? First, if you are the one being dumped, the pain you feel can be enormous. Second, if you are the initiator, it's the feeling of change that can be hard to deal with. Suddenly being alone can be difficult to deal with; leaving some to feel it will never end... the loneliness.
However, there is hope because there are ways to reduce the suffering you are feeling, allowing you to move on with life. So how do you get over a break up? There are 4 steps to help you recover.{relatedarticles}
Step (1) Be Patient -
Have you ever heard the patience is a virtue? Well, when you are dealing with a break up this is true. You should have patience with the feelings you have, your grief and the pain. If you want, scream, cry, pitch a fit, do what you must. However, don't think for one minute those feelings will last. Have patience that it will pass.
As time passes, you may realize that the pain, hurt and anger are gone. This allows you to face life without past baggage. In saying that, don't rush right into a relationship after you discovered your pain has vanished. Instead, wait to find someone special and have patience that it will happen.
Step (2) Be Flexible -
Have you ever faced this scenario before: It's a Monday and you've been asked by friends to go out on Friday evening? You plan all week for it and then Friday comes around, you just don't feel like going out. Try to make plans flexible. If you can listen to what your emotions and body are telling you. Be patient in that when you are ready, you'll get out more. A good exercise to help heal the pain is writing. Place all your emotions and feelings there.{relatedarticles}
Step (3) Give It Time -
Remember to give yourself time to get over your break up. Some friends may tell you get out and go mingle. However, what's actually best is to grief, cry, and be sad or angry. Feel these emotions to work through the moods. You should be out of the funk within two weeks. If it goes past that, talk with your physician about it. You could be suffering from depression. Try talking with someone who cares for you too. It helps too!
Step (4) Have Faith -
Remember that the feelings you have now do not last. You will smile again where you cry now. You'll find someone who will make you get over you ex and make you wonder why you even cried over them in the first place. What do you need to have? Have a little faith, that is.{relatedarticles}
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Have problems in bed? A poor body image? Trouble talking to or approaching women? Premature ejaculation? Then you may want to consider a sex surrogate. Sexual surrogacy is a unique type of therapy designed to placate sexual and social anxiety and treat patients with sexual issues and dysfunctions.
A surrogate is almost like a sexual or social stand-in. Through socialization, as well as sexual and physical contact, a surrogate can help patients treat underlying issues. According to the International Professional Surrogates Association, the work of a surrogate is "designed to build client self-awareness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. {relatedarticles}
Each program is designed to increase the client's knowledge, skills, and comfort. As the days pass, clients find themselves becoming more relaxed, more open to feelings, and more comfortable with physical and emotional intimacy." Sex surrogates often treat patients through a combination of talking, touching, physical contact and even intercourse.
A sex surrogate can be helpful in treating a number of sexual problems, including:
- premature ejaculation - the inability of a man to delay ejaculation or ejaculate at the appropriate time;
- erectile dysfunction - problems achieving an erection in sexual situations;
- problems with orgasms - either the inability to have them or a dissatisfaction with the current level of orgasms;
- fear of intimacy - anxiety related to physical contact or emotional closeness;
- sexual shame - feeling guilty or shameful for having sexual desires or experiences;
- self-confidence issues - having low confidence or a negative image of oneself;
- fear because of sexual abuse or trauma - this could be because of rape, incest, etc.;
- sexual orientation issues - confusion about one's sexual orientation or leaning;
- issues with sexual appetite - the lack of or a low level of sexual desire ;
- social anxiety - trouble interacting with people, socializing and more;
- lack of experience - especially in the case of a virgins; and
- lubrication issues - the inability to become properly lubricated before or during sex.
Essentially, you see a sex surrogate like you would a therapist. Typical sessions will begin with you and your surrogate talking about your sexual issues and anxieties. Unlike a typical therapist, however, a sex surrogate will be more "hands on" in their approach to your treatment. Sex surrogates use sexual encounters and physical interactions to treat their patients.{relatedarticles}
According to a New York Magazine article, Rita Bell, a New York sex surrogate, regularly uses massages, sensual touching, bubble baths, massages and intercourse to help her patients attack their issues, although not all patients' treatments require full-on intercourse. "There is no sex just for the sake of having sex. It's about solving the problem," Rita says.
Through physical encounters, sex surrogates can help patients build sexual skills, a healthy body image and an improved comfort level with intimacy. Continued treatment with a sex surrogate can also help patients learn to develop healthy ongoing relationships and proper social skills.
Sex surrogates don't just provide sex. According to a 1983 study of surrogates by Dr. Raymond J. Noonan, 48% of a surrogate's time is spent on non-sexual exercises and experiences.{relatedarticles}
The study also showed that surrogates spent 34% of the time talking with their patients and another 4.5% teaching them social skills, often in public settings. Only 13% of a surrogate's time goes toward sexual encounters, according to the study, and most of these are toward the end of the patient's treatment program.
In addition to helping patients cope with definitively sexual problems, sex surrogates often work with patients on their communication skills, emotional attachment issues and even their hygiene, with the ultimate goal of helping the patient become a more sexually and socially healthy person.
According to sex surrogate Lisa Carr on CarnalNation.com, surrogacy "aims to enrich the client's world sensually and emotionally as well as erotically."
Sexual surrogacy was developed in 1970 by sex researchers William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson. Masters and Johnson conducted an 11-year study in which female volunteers provided hands-on treatments for sexual problems and issues. The study followed the treatment of 510 married couples, 54 single men and 3 single women.
Masters and Johnson saw a staggering 75% success rate with the single men in the study. The full results of the study and the pair's idea for a sex surrogacy treatment program were released in the book Human Sexual Inadequacy.{relatedarticles}
If you have issues with intimacy, lack sexual experience or have social or sexual anxieties, treatment with a sex surrogate may be able to help you conquer your problems. Not only can a sex surrogate give you help in treating the physical aspects of your issues, but they can help you develop better communication skills and improved self-confidence.
Before considering a sex surrogate, ensure you have the funds to back it up. According to sex surrogate Lisa Carr, the typical cost for sexual surrogacy treatment is pretty expensive, coming in at about $2,500. Health insurance usually will not cover any part of it.
Sexual surrogacy is also fairly unorthodox treatment, so there may not be a sex surrogate in your immediate area. You may need to budget for travel expenses, lodging and more for your treatment.
Sex surrogates have seen success in treating men and women of all ages, races and sizes, and they could help you. But remember, a sexual surrogate is not just there for sexual encounters.
Be prepared to have open and honest conversations about your problems, sexual history and intimacy issues. You will also need to disclose your medical history as well as any medications you are currently on, as these could be effecting your sexual health.{relatedarticles}
There is no tried and true way to determine whether you need a sex surrogate or not. If you are willing to put in the time, effort and hard work that therapy with a sex surrogate will require, it may be a beneficial treatment for you to seek.
A sex surrogate can help you tackle sexual and social issues, as well as enhance your social, communication and relationship-building skills, thus improving your overall quality of life.
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