The stereotypical divorce is far from civil, if you believe the TV shows, comedians and the rest of the media – not to mention people you know whose divorces rivaled a WWF match. However, it doesn't have to be that way, and you shouldn't just expect it to be a stressful, acrimonious experience. Divorce is a gradual process, not one that ends inside the courtroom or lawyer's office, so the decisions you make in the present definitely will have an impact on your future. First, be honest with yourself about the reasons why the marriage ended. Without blaming anyone, lay out the reasons – and it may help to write it down in a matter-of-fact, unemotional way. It's a huge help to involve a divorce mediator – an lawyer who is skilled in helping divorcing couples work out details fairly and impartially. It saves money, courtroom time and most important, grief, when you set out to keep things civil, so why not try hiring a mediator before snapping up the lawyer who has that "bulldog" reputation? It's much more non-confrontational and can start the process on the right foot. If there are kids involved, then it's that much more important to remain civil.

Choose a parenting plan together that addresses the kids directly. It may help for each of you to write the parenting plan in the form of a letter to your children – this way, their best interests are always at the forefront of your minds. When divvying up everything else, err on the side of generosity. Stay focused on the bigger picture, not whether or not you get to keep that Springsteen album you're sure you brought into the marriage. Be sure you're both clear when all is said and done on the arrangements. Get everything in writing, and be sure you both know what the consequences are for breaking those arrangements, should that happen. Resist seeking the "old days," including behavioral patterns that you both could fall back into. It goes without saying that post-divorce sex is a bad idea. But it's OK to reformulate your relationship into one that involves mutual caring, particularly if you have children. Finally, leave out any potential love interests – particularly if they were the cause of the divorce – until well after divorce proceedings end. The emotions they stir up in your ex and your kids is just too much to handle and is unfair to ask of your family. Keep in mind that your ex is a person who you once loved and with whom you built a life.