We all carry baggage into a relationship. That said, it's sometimes not fair to unload all your problems onto your mate, allowing them to affect your relationship negatively. Then again, there are issues that, if you're serious about each other, you must face as a couple. Here's how to know when his or her problem becomes "our" problem. Frivolous with finances? A mate who doesn't have a lot of money to spend isn't that big of a deal. But a mate who spends more than he or she makes might be cause for concern, particularly if he or she is sponging off of you. Ten bucks here, a meal or two there...it can add up and end up damaging your bottom line. And if you own property together or have a joint checking account, your partner's frivolous spending can damage your own credit – that's when it becomes an "our" problem. Perhaps your partner needs an attitude adjustment – everyone gets in a funk or is cranky once in a while. It becomes a problem in your relationship when those moods are chronic, as they might be with clinical depression or other mental illness. See if you can get to the bottom of what's going on before ending the relationship – or worse, taking on his personal problems as your own and letting them drag you down.
Consider your partner's views on the future, including career and family goals. It's OK to encourage your mate to follow his or her passion when it comes to a career – some people don't figure out until later what they want to be when they grow up. Times are tough economically, so it's OK to support a laid-off partner who needs to find his or her career footing. But it becomes your problem when he or she keeps getting fired or laid off, aimlessly pursues dead-end jobs, or chronically complains about a job without making any changes. Finally, it goes without saying that if you plan to settle down with this person, he or she had better be on the same page as you when it comes to commitments such as marriage and children. If you have completely different views – he's ready to get married and try for kids, and you're not there yet (nor are you sure you ever will be), then it's time for a serious conversation.
