Whether it's been a few minutes, a few months or even a few years, it can be pretty shocking if you're a woman who's dated a man who comes out as gay after the relationship ends. Then again, maybe it didn't come as much of a surprise. Either way, you may have trouble dealing with the announcement that he's playing for the other team now. It may be difficult to forgive a man who lied to you – and it's OK to be angry. We'd all be angry if someone close to us was dishonest, and it may be tough to put those feelings aside. But try to see it from his point of view. Neither you nor any other woman he has ever dated is to blame for his realization. It's likely he's been struggling with his sexual orientation for quite some time, if not his entire life.

Imagine having to go through puberty, early adulthood and beyond living a lie that betrays your true identity and serves as a roadblock to a fully loving relationship with another person. Consider the fact that your ex's sexual orientation was not established during or after your relationship – it's always been there. He likely was trying to come to terms with it during your relationship, not using you to decide whether or not he was gay. There are a lot of variables to consider when gay people decide to come out of the closet to their friends and family. They may be rejected by the ones they love most – and that fear may keep them in the closet, living out the lie they assume everyone expects of them. It's a courageous step your ex is taking if he opens up to you about the situation. Of course it's OK to explain that you feel hurt by his dishonesty, but consider why it was necessary before you cut him off.