It's obvious to outsiders when a relationship is simply unhealthy for all those involved. Witnessing friends or family members who are involved with toxic partners is tough to see - a strong woman who now walks on eggshells, feels terrible about herself...the list goes on. But when your own mate is toxic, it's hard to step outside of yourself and your feelings to see the situation for what it really is - toxic. Here are some ways to recognize when a mate is toxic. People who are prone to choosing toxic mates tend to fall into the pattern of ill-fated relationships, stemming from their first failed relationships, whether it was an absent father or the high school jock who ignored them.
They look for a "redo," in which they choose a similar jerk to date and expect it to work out. When it doesn't, they feel even worse about themselves than before. If you notice your self-esteem flagging or seem to be giving and giving without getting a lot in return, then you may have a toxic mate. Toxic relationships usually begin in a whirlwind fashion. A toxic mate may sweep you off your feet with grand gestures and lots of passion. This approach understandably sucks you in, with feelings of romance and intimacy. Sometimes a toxic mate will foster an us-against-the-world philosophy to feign solidarity with you. But when a mate regularly disappoints you, controls you and creates a sense of dependence on him or her, then it's a good indication that you're in a toxic relationship. Getting out of a toxic relationship is a matter best approached in a cold-turkey fashion. Lots of reliance on supportive friends and family is important, and a person coming out of a toxic relationship may even need professional help to boost self-esteem.
