When it comes to taking the advice of a sex columnist, a little common sense goes a long way. And whether you've been with your partner for years and are looking to spice things up or just days and need a little refresher on technique, it's easy to separate the wheat from the chaff when you're looking to impress in the bedroom. So without further ado, we present the worst sex tips ever. First, let's start with foreplay, during which Cosmopolitan magazine recommends having a horror movie play in the background. Why? So that if a roommate happens to hear screaming, he or she will think it's the movie...and not you being murdered? Mmkay. Moving on, if your nookie is preceded by a meal, be sure to cook it in the nude or at least topless. Because nothing sets the mood like being burned on your private parts...or something. Worried about your physique? Men's Health advises lovers to blindfold one another to avoid having to see your paramour's yucky body. As for lovemaking locales, there's plenty of lousy advice out there.