Is on-again, off-again the story of your life?
Plenty of couples break up to make up. It's an age-old dilemma that even the best of us face. As romantics, we're often compelled to rekindle that troubled romance and take another shot at love. But is it really okay to reconcile with your ex?
Only you can say for certain what is right or wrong for your situation, but our friendly advice and little nuggets of wisdom will hopefully provide some food for thought during this period of soul searching.
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What caused the breakup?
It's important to think back and try to be objective about what led to the split. Regardless of whether it was mutual and amicable, or if you were the dumper or the dumpee, there is almost always a reason behind the split. Far too often we tend to gloss over the negative and focus entirely on the positive in times like these; the heart wants what it wants, as they say.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly:
- How would reconciling affect the nature of the relationship?
- Would anything change?
- What made you unhappy when you were together?
- Who or what was at fault?
- What was good about the relationship?
- Did the breakup happen because of a single issue (for example, infidelity)?
- Was it something trivial (he didn't call when he said he would)?
- Was it a build-up of things that finally hit a boiling point? {relatedarticles}
When analyzing the pre-breakup relationship, it can be helpful to write down a pros and cons list. Be brutally honest with yourself. Small self-deceptions will only harm you in the long run so save yourself some heartache.
Actions Speak Louder than Words
Oftentimes, getting back together with an ex happens because we expect that person to have a major epiphany and change. Perhaps he has promised to curb his inconsiderate ways. The harsh truth is, we are who we are. Many a breakup has occurred throughout human history because we have tried to change the person with whom we're together. However, it's unlikely you'll ever witness the transformation you've been awaiting.
Idiosyncrasies included, you must accept the individual as he or she is. You can communicate your grievances, and he may even make genuine efforts to acquiesce to your demands in order to be with you. But saying you are going to do something is much different from actually living it. So be wary of promises. Take some time and observe the "change." If his actions revert back to the same old situation, you'll know that his words -- along with his promise -- were empty.
The Heart vs. The Mind
The epic internal dialogue, the subject of countless books and films, what's right: the heart or the head? The song doesn't lie: breaking up is hard to do. While your rational mind may be telling you that it's not worth the emotional rollercoaster ride, the heart wants to put a quick end to the heartache - it says, if it feels good do it.
Usually, the heart is victorious. When you break up all over again, the mind scoffs at the heart's weakness. These two entities don't have to be diametrically opposed. Sometimes they do sync. It's all about striking a balance, and experience dealing with both life forces will arm you with wisdom in the future.
Don't get stuck on the notion that he's "the one;" there are plenty of fish in the sea that are probably just right for you. Getting your heart broken a few times will force you to be more selective about who you let in, while allowing your mind to recognize the red flags as early warning signs not to continue in a bad relationship.
Even when we know it's wrong to get back with an ex, we do it anyway. Why? Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes in order to learn from them. As long as the relationship wasn't abusive in any way, it's okay to give yourself this permission. The point is to grow as a person, take what you can from the experience, and resolve not to walk the same path the next time.
The 5 Stages of Grief
The grieving process doesn't only apply to the death of a loved one. The 5 stages of grief can be used for breakups, too. Identifying where you stand with your grieving can shed some light on whether you're ready to take him back.
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- Denial - You are in a state of shock. You are trying to avoid the pain of this loss by refusing to accept that the relationship is over.
- Anger - Once the reality of it sets in, you feel like you have been treated unfairly and may lash out at him or others in your life.
- Bargaining - You or your former partner might make promises to change - that whatever caused the breakup won't happen again.
- Depression - The inner turmoil of the breakup, usually consisting of the inability to sleep, eat, or accomplish daily tasks.
- Acceptance - Moving on with your life and accepting the circumstances of the breakup, even making peace with your role in it.
The Logistics of a Relationship
Some breakups happen because of practicalities. For instance, one person is relocated out of state because of work or school. Additionally, a good relationship can begin too young and a desire to sow one's wild oats and experience what else is out there may emerge.
If you choose to try again, give yourself a time frame. If things aren't working out again, vow to end them after a set amount of time. After all, you could be much happier in a new relationship with someone who is appreciative and actively building a future with you than trying to resuscitate a failed relationship. A relationship should make your life better, not worse.
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Poet Kahlil Gibran once said: "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." Sometimes we have to take our own roads in life, and if those paths have the chance to meet again, there's nothing wrong with picking up where you left off in your relationship.
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A new year can mean a new start in many areas of your life. So why not make dating success one of the areas that you work on? If you've been struggling to meet and keep the man of your dreams, then these resolutions can help you to break through those old patterns into a new happy, loving, romantic relationship. If you're ready to find out what successful dating requires, these 6 resolutions will help:{relatedarticles}
Some women devalue themselves in a man's eyes by putting themselves down and telling him all their bad points up front. This is not a good sales call and will not get you the guy. Present your positive points in the beginning and don't show the negatives until your relationship is strong enough to cope. This means not spilling your negative emotions, including how badly men have acted towards you in the past. Present yourself as a quality woman who is in control of herself because she doesn't put up with other people's bad treatment or let herself be taken advantage of.
Resolve to let him show you what a catch he is
Don't go mad trying to convince him what a catch you are. If you want to be in control of the new relationship, then let him show you why he is the one for you. Quite often a man will go crazy over a woman when he is not sure whether she is into him, whilst the woman who chases him shows herself as easy prey and not such a good long-term prospect. Let him show you that he is mature, stable and crazy about you before you let yourself get hooked.
{relatedarticles}Resolve to become the centre of your own fulfilling universe
Stop looking for a man to provide all your entertainment and start looking for a source of fulfilment outside of a relationship. That's doesn't mean just keeping yourself busy until the right man comes along, but finding out what really fulfils you and makes you happy. When you enjoy your life with or without a man, you will radiate a magic sense of satisfaction that is very powerful and attractive to a man.
Resolve to stop making it all about you
Do you analyse everything a man does in a relationship and make it all about you? When he pulls away do you wonder what you did wrong and hound him until you find out the score? Early on in relationships, a man is not always going to be available to you and you need to learn to deal with this. Don't take it personally and make it all about you or you will drive yourself crazy. You can't expect to always be his top priority when you've only just met so learn to stay cool when he withdraws and your relationship will survive.{relatedarticles}
Resolve to let him go early if he's not "the one"
When we meet a guy we like, sometimes we want it to work out so badly that we forget to look out for whether he is going to make a suitable partner. We ignore all those signs that are screaming at us that it's not quite right and forge ahead because we are so invested in making it work. Don't push your doubts to one side because you don't want to be on your own. Resolve to check him out first before you fall for him. If you see signs that he's not "the one" then let him go early on and move on.
Resolve to learn how to date successfully
Many women don't even know that they are sabotaging their dating efforts with certain behaviours that just don't work with men. It is difficult to resolve these kinds of errors when you don't even realise that you are making them. If you have a string of failed relationships behind you, or you think that all men are the same, then resolve to learn how to date successfully. You don't have to be single any longer when you know what works in dating and relationships.{relatedarticles}
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We've got two tickets to paradise. If you are having a difficult time coming up with an exotic vacation for you and your significant other, let us do the legwork for you. There's no better way to conquer burnout -- whether it be from your job or your relationship -- than by rejuvenating with the best laid vacation plans.
We all need a getaway every once in a while. Why not seize the moment to break away from your daily life and get a taste of what's out there? According to a survey conducted by Expedia, the average person in the United States receives 14 vacation days a year, yet leaves at least two of those unused. It's time to make the most of that time off. After all, you've earned it.{relatedarticles}
Besides your career, relationships are also hard work. It's important to reward your partner and yourself for all that you do to maintain a healthy relationship. If you're gonna go, why not go big? There are a few destinations that can make your holiday a rousingly pleasurable one. We gathered a list of the sexiest resorts available where you can relax, have fun, and partake in a bit of bodily delights.
Aleenta Resort and Spa, Phuket, Thailand
This secluded rendezvous is ideal for romance-seekers wanting isolated romance and elegance. Situated on the quiet northeastern coast of Phuket, clothing is optional in your own private plunge pool. The Aleenta Touch of Romance package provides a bottle of champagne upon your arrival in your suite, plus a candlelit dinner, gourmet breakfast, an hour of aromatherapy massage for two and a day trip to Hua Hin town. Just steps from the sands of Pak Nampran Bay, you can arrange for day of sailing, diving or just relaxing.
Puro Oasis Urbano, Mallorca, Spain
This resort is set in an 18th century palace that has a contemporary urban appeal with all the technology-based amenities you may need. The hotel's bleached-out Mallorcan ambiance is offset by the earth-tone fabrics and wooden accents. The leather puffs (chairs) adorn most rooms, which have spa-styled bathrooms for any desirable water escapades.
Canopied daybeds on the rooftop along with a black-tiled plunge pool can give rise to interesting encounters. Set near the beach in Palma de Mallorca, this resort gives you an opportunity to explore the city and meet locals or stay back at the hotel where its own bar and restaurant is a nightspot that's popular with residents and guests alike.{relatedarticles}
Little Dix Bay, Virgin Gorda, British Virgin Islands
A boutique resort, Little Dix Bay is ideal for sand-romping or lounging on the beautiful beaches surrounded by the 6 shades of blue inherent in this part of the Caribbean. For private beach adventures, the resort offers beach drops to seven area seashores that can only be reached by water. Essentials will be provided, such as an umbrella, towels, snorkeling equipment and boat transfer, as well as extras if you'd like to budget for a picnic lunch and champagne.
Teton Ridge Ranch, Tetonia, Idaho
If privacy is what you're looking for, but in a cooler and less sandy climate, then Teton Ridge Ranch may be the place. The 4,000-acre property is seven miles off the main road and more than an hour from Jackson, Wyoming. The ranch has only five guest rooms and the vaulted main lounge has a spectacular view of the Teton Range of the Rocky Mountains. Depending upon the season, you and your partner du jour can ride horseback, mountain bike, hike or enjoy Nordic skiing. A couple of large, roaring fireplaces help set the mood in the candlelit dining room. Follow this up by snuggling under a blanket as the snow falls or take a summer evening stroll under the wide open sky.
Mystique Oia Resort, Santorini Island, Greece
With 22 suites and villas, the Mystique on Oia Santorini Island offers dazzling views of Aegean Caldera. Sea-facing terraces accompany each suite with a canopy and daybed set for steamy interludes any time of day. The outdoor infinity pool brings the sensuousness of water just steps from your door, and even closer is the Jacuzzi bathtub ideal for two. Arrange for a couple's massage from the resort's Asian Spa, which offers wraps, body massages and other services in the privacy of your own suite or terrace.
InterContinental Resort Tahiti, French Polynesia
Located alongside a lagoon, the hotel features a private beach, two pools, tennis courts, the only dive center on the island, and 30 acres of private gardens. The southern Pacific surrounds the island, which offers unique views of endless ocean and Tahiti's sister island, Moorea. Unforgettable sunsets can set the mood for any romantic escapade you may have in mind.{relatedarticles}
Chalet Eugenia, Klosters, Switzerland
If you are dreaming of open fireplaces and romp-ready fur rugs, then look no further. This luxurious Swiss lodge chalet offers rustic appeal in the Engadine region of the Swiss Alps. Its on-site sauna and steam room will keep you heated up, as will the roaring fires available in 3 of the 8 rooms. The onsite chef is available to prepare regional specialties in either the main dining room or the second and more intimate dining space. Expect vintage champagne to woo your lover along with fabulous southerly views of the breathtaking Gotschna.
Viceroy Palm Springs, Palm Springs, California
This one is just for the girls, boys or swingers. There's always mischief afoot at this well-renown downtown Palm Springs spa resort. It has hosted celebrities and an international party crowd since the 1930s with luxury accommodations, amenities, and services.
Begin your experience with a swim to the lobby bar, which allows you to stay wet in more ways than one. Turn on your relaxation response even further with a visit to the Luxury Estrella Spa where you'll be treated to full-service aromatherapy. The Viceroy's 24-hour hot tub alludes to the naughty adventures available at any time of night.{relatedarticles}
Correntoso Lake & River Hotel, Argentine Patagonia
Sitting on a bluff overlooking the Correntoso River as it empties into the lake of Nahuel Huapi, this hotel is great for couples who enjoy outdoor activities together as well as the indoor ones. The Correntoso experience offers the river, lake, snow, and mountains of the Nahuel Huapi National Park, where fishing, kayaking, skiing, snowboarding, horseback riding, and hiking are fancied.
When your energy seems spent, take some time to rejuvenate at the hotel's Herbal Hammam and Spa. Herbs gathered from the nearby mountains are used in all the aromatherapy treatments. Afterwards, relax by the indoor/outdoor infinity pool that features astounding views of the lake and snow-tipped mountains
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