We've all had a moment in the heat of passion when our heart rate is raised and our faces flush for a reason other than pleasure or passion. We're talking about pure embarassment. Whether it's that first awkward encounter with a new lover, not feeling good in a post-baby body or a general lack of experience, low self-esteem and confidence in the boudoir can be the ultimate libido buster. You're not alone and you're not doomed! Check out these 7 ways you can become more confident in the bedroom.
Grin and Bare It - Taking off your clothes in front of someone whether you've known them for a few minutes or a few years can be nerve-wracking. Insecurity about our bodies being less than perfect can put the kibosh on a passionate evening. Getting over the fear of stripping down to your skivvies can be as easy as giving yourself a reality check.{relatedarticle}
Think about your body and interactions with a partner rationally - if you don't have big breasts with your clothes on, no one will expect you to when you disrobe. If that doesn't help, try spending more time in the nude.
Even just lounging around the house or spending a few extra minutes without dressing after a shower can help you become more comfortable in your birthday suit. If all else fails, turn off the lights or leave on something that covers you and is sexy like a camisole or lacey bra.
Educate Yourself - Read up on the karma sutra, watch a video, look at sexy pictures or take a pole dancing class. Anything you can do increase your knowledge of all things sexy will make it easier for you to switch things up in the boudoir if you're feeling boring or routine. This is also a good way to identify what you do and don't like. Plus, checking out risqué material is a great form of foreplay.
Fake it Until You Make It - Sure, playing Sexy Sally the Secretary might make you cringe but pretending to be into it for the sake of your partner's pleasure could end up making you feel more powerful and confident. By agreeing to new sexual experiences you will begin to feel more comfortable and the apprehension will fade.{relatedarticle}
Even if your hands are shaking or you feel like you might laugh - pin him down, don the cowgirl outfit or talk dirty. It will all be worth it in the end. However, remember that if your partner is asking you to do something you feel is unsafe or makes you extremely uncomfortable - get out of there.
Stop Looking at What Everyone Else is Doing - Watching television, flipping through a fashion magazine or trolling the internet for hours may be fine for a lazy Sunday but if you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to models, actresses or the scenes in romantic comedies you are sure to set yourself up for failure.
The models are airbrushed, the actresses coached and the storylines aren't real. It's important to remember this when evaluating your own body and relationship. Doing whatever is comfortable and works for you is what's right not what you see on a screen or in a glossy book.
Don't Obsess Over the Big "O" - It is not uncommon to hear stories of women who have been having sex for years without reaching orgasm or who think of themselves as a complete failure if their partner fails to achieve one.{relatedarticle}
Putting pressure on yourself to make sure you have an orgasm or comparing your self-worth and sexiness to your partner having one can make sex so stressful that it is no longer fun or pleasurable but instead turns into a chore or an anxious "test." Relax and let yourself be present in the moment. Focus on the feelings and stimulation you do feel instead of what you think might be missing.
Change Your Location - Bedrooms are places for sleeping but many hours of our lives are spent in this room. Bedrooms can easily turn into offices, television hideouts, dining room tables and playrooms that can squash intimacy.
You may lose your mojo if you're looking at a stack of work papers or your baby's pacifier mid-coitus so it's important to change it up from time to time and take it out of the bedroom. The living room couch can be just as exhilarating as the phone booth down the street if it's what you need to feel sexy again.
See a Professional - If you've tried different techniques on your own to no avail, it may be time to call in a professional. A psychologist, family physician or both can be excellent resources if you just can get past your shyness.
A psychologist or sex therapist can help you work through your issues and offer you solutions while a physician can make sure there isn't an underlying health issue creating your sexual problems. Sexual dysfunction in both mind and body are nothing to be ashamed of and it's important to identify and resolve issues as soon as possible.{relatedarticle}
Remember that sexual confidence is not something that you need to validate you. In fact, obsessing over it and can actually make you feel worse and be a turn-off for you partner. Know yourself and know your body.
Accepting yourself and your limitations will not only open up the door for a better sexual experience, you will begin to feel empowered in other areas of your life like career and parenting. Use these 7 tips to get started, but don't stop there. The more you allow yourself to ease up and open your mind and take chances, the better the outcome.
Read More
While a lovemaking session can be meaningful without an orgasm, it may leave one or both partners unsatisfied, making you go from "O" to "oh no."
Men sometimes have trouble giving women a satisfying orgasm because they often take for granted the fact that while penetration is sufficient for them, it might not be for their partner.
There are a number of ways to stimulate your partner to the point of orgasm without intercourse, and much of it has more to do with psychological stimulation than physical. Although it's uncommon for some to reach climax without any kind of genital or physical stimulation, it does happen - and it should be celebrated. More common, however, is an orgasm without penetrative intercourse.
{relatedarticles}
As most women know, clitoral stimulation is one of the most exhilarating and stimulating means to achieve climax, but it's often undervalued by men, who are quick to go right to penetration.
Here are some simple recommendations on how to get you and your partner in the right frame of mind necessary to achieve an orgasm without intercourse.
Looking
The initial stage of sexual attraction is the simple act of looking. Noticing someone's general appearance, their hair, size, shape, color, and especially their face is what launches someone's attraction to another.
In the same way that attraction is conceived by looking at one another, partners can also become lusty for one another based solely on visual stimulation.
Try leaving the lights on before you engage your partner and undressing one another slowly so that you can each appreciate the other's body. Wear skimpy underwear and prolong the act of touching one another until neither of you can stand it anymore for maximum arousal.
{relatedarticles}
Touching
Touching one another is where things really start to get interesting, but most couples (especially men) skip over certain body parts and go straight for others. What a waste. Every part of our bodies is sensitive to touch. All of our nerves lead back to our spinal cord and then eventually to our brains, where they bundle and send stimulus messages to and fro, creating waves of sensation.
Touching can produce a powerful stimulating effect, and certain body parts are more sensitive than we often give them credit for.
Pay special attention to the ears, fingertips, stomach, neck, small of the back, hip bones, and even, yes, the feet. The average foot is home to hundreds of thousands of nerve clusters, and while it may take some experimentation, you might find that it's a powerhouse for stimulation.
{relatedarticles}
Kissing
There are millions of nerve sensors in the mouth, and even more located on the lips. As you're probably already aware, the lips themselves are a sexual organ, or at the very least a sensual one. When kissing your partner, take the opportunity to run your fingers through his hair, caress his face, and explore other parts within your reach.
Kissing is an important part of stimulation, but don't try to steamroll the process. Do it gently at first before becoming more playful, passionate, or thorough.
A few hints on what tactics do not make for a sensual kissing experience: slobbering on your partner, stabbing your tongue into your partner's mouth or wiggling it around like an eel, or biting either the bottom or top lip too hard.
Biting your partner's lip gently can be sexy, but if there's a possibility you're going to be leaving bruises, you're probably not doing it right, unless you know for a fact that's what your partner likes.
{relatedarticles}
Remember, kissing, like most sexual activities, isn't taught anywhere, and most people learn it through experience or intuition - and not everyone's experience and intuition are spot-on. If there's something you want that your partner isn't doing, tell him. He'll do it if he knows you like it.
More Touching
When things have gotten too steamy for a simple make-out session, don't overlook the importance of touching. Touching the lower abdomen, buttocks, inside of the thighs all have a powerful stimulation effect.
It's important to be exploratory and gentle, rather than hasty. If you're in a hurry to get to the finish line, doing it without intercourse is probably not the route to go, so don't rush the process.
Movies and television have used extensive creative license to make the process of rushing into sex appear passionate, but this kind of frenzy isn't always as effective in real life. Shows how much they know.
Mutual Masturbation
Most people achieve their first orgasm by themselves via masturbation, but far fewer engage in the activity with their partners once they've established a sexual relationship. Try experimenting with different tactics, such as beginning by touching yourself and then encouraging your partner to "finish up."
{relatedarticles}
Women know their bodies, and we know what we like when we do it ourselves, so communicating your desires to your partner is a crucial component of achieving an orgasm sans penetration.
While the logistics of mutual masturbation - not to mention the distraction - can sometimes be tricky to work out, with a little practice and communication, you'll be surprised how satisfying manual stimulation can be.
Oral Stimulation
Finally, the Holy Grail of orgasm without intercourse: oral sex. The tongue plays a lead role here, but don't forget the importance of communicating what feels good to your partner. Don't be shy about saying what you like and what you don't - this failure to communicate can lead to a frustrating experience in the bedroom.
The clitoris is an exceptionally sensitive organ, and its stimulation can sometimes be too much, so you might need to indicate to your partner that he needs to slow down or explore other parts of your body for a brief break. On the other hand, oral sex can also be a great way to achieve multiple orgasms, although not everyone is biologically capable of doing so.
{relatedarticles}
When done properly, oral sex can easily supplant penetration, and neither you nor your partner will feel that you missed out on anything. Remember to reciprocate your partner's good deed, and you'll both fall asleep happy.
Read More
Contrary to popular belief, safe sex does not equal lame sex. In fact, having good sexual health habits keeps sex fun. No one wants to deal with the discomfort that accompanies certain STDs - burning urination is definitely not fun, and we all know about the consequences of some of the more serious STDs.
To lessen your chance of catching a nasty STD, it is essential to pick condoms that are effective and even add an element of fun to your sex life, in case you need yet one more reason to cover up. After all, who doesn't want to get the most bang for their buck?
Selecting Your Condom
When it comes to condoms, size definitely matters. Ignore that macho voice in your head that says bigger is better. If you get a condom that is too large, it will leave too much space at the tip or the base to fit properly. Not only will this leave your condom vulnerable to slippage, but it will also make you look smaller relative to the size of your condom.
{relatedarticles}
However, if your condom is too small, it may break during sex. Finding the right fit is an important part of the selection process. If you are not sure about the proper size, read the packaging to find out what works for your package. There are often charts or guides on the back of a condom box that will help you find the perfect fit.
There is a vast selection of textures, including ribbed, extra thin, and condoms with exotic patterns. These are marketed as pleasure enhancers, but in practice, it all comes down to preference: some men like the added sensation, while others find it distracting. The same goes for women. Before you undress, address this issue so you avoid any distraction during the main attraction.
Pre-lubricated condoms also figure into the mix. These condoms cost more than your standard protection, but they may add a new layer of excitement to your sex life. Pre-lubricated condoms can also be big timesavers in the bedroom. Between getting the condom on and lubing up, you can waste precious time. With pre-lubricated condoms you elimiate one step and get down to getting down faster.
{relatedarticles}
Flavored condoms are popular for oral play. It is vital to realize that no matter what flavor, material or brand you use, your partner is still taking a trip down to your nether regions, and that means you still need to wash up; flavor should be an enhancement, not a cover-up for your funky junk.
Spermicidal condoms are great for people who want an added layer of protection to ensure that they don't make any babies. Because spermicidal condoms taste bad, make sure that you keep a few flavored condoms on hand. Use the flavored condoms to start, then switch to a spermicidal condom when things start to heat up.
Condom Material Matters
Another condom selection issue is the material. This means that you need to know in advance about any allergies. Some women and men have allergic reactions to latex or rubber. If you notice inflammation issues during sex with a certain material, avoid that material when you shop for condoms in the future.
When it comes to feeling the most sensation during sex while still playing it safe, microsheer is the ideal material. It is thinner than other materials, yet more resistant to tearing than anything else currently on the market. It also transmits body heat from you to your partner, so you might even forget it is on. Microsheer costs more than latex or rubber, but think of it as an investment; the cost of a doctor visit or emergency contraceptives is higher than the cost of condoms, after all.
{relatedarticles}
Why Condom Use Is Important
Unwanted pregnancies are tough. So are sexually transmitted infections. When you hear friends complain about how condoms ruin the experience, bear in mind that some extra padding between you and your partner feels better than the panic of having an unwanted pregnancy or disease on your hands.
Aside from the pain and irritation high-risk sex can lead to, there is also the limitation on your pool of potential partners. Medical experts are required to respect your privacy, but any time you infect a partner, word gets around.
When this happens, the idea that condoms make sex less enjoyable becomes moot. You cannot have worse sex if you are having no sex at all. The sheer range of condom selection and the fact that you can pick condoms that will actually enhance your sex life should help you to get over this mental hump so that you can hump safely.
Condoms are Important for Men and Women
Condom selection is a specific aspect of sexual health that every sexually active person must consider. For women who do not want children, birth control is a key component of their health care, and one that is addressed during gynecologist visits. However, birth control and the prevention of sexually transmitted infections are two entirely separate things. This means women on birth control should always carry condoms, just to be safe.
For men, condom selection plays a bigger role in their sexual health because there are fewer prescriptions and surgical options. Vasectomies are costly, fairly permanent and can be risky for young men, plus they do not address the risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection.
{relatedarticles}
Condoms will address both issues, and they will be more affordable and practical while you are still playing the field, or even when you settle down but are still not ready for children just yet.
Overall, the facts above mean that no matter your gender, what type of sex you plan on having, or how often you plan to have sex, it is essential to your sexual health that your condom selection is smart and that you practice safe sex with every partner. If you have specific questions about condom selection, practicing safe sex or other sexual health issues, contact a gynecologist or urologist.
Read More
