Is An Open Relationship For You?
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Having ground rules is a must if you want your open relationship to be successful. Some couples may have rules limiting what sexual acts they choose to do with non-primary partners or have other ways of ensuring that the alternate lover does not usurp the primary's position. If you're the alternate sex partner in a non-monogamous relationship, understand that you have rights and that your position differs from that of being the "other woman" in a cheating situation. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and discuss your concerns if you feel you're not being respected.
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Jealousy
One of the first objections raised by critics of open relationships is that it's impossible to share someone you love with another person. The jealousy would drive you crazy and eventually lead to the end of the partnership. It's not surprising that this is the first thing that comes to mind; jealousy is often seen as an expression of love and is celebrated and encouraged in popular media. The truth is that jealousy is not a sign of true love, nor is it a healthy, positive emotion. The 1960s counterculture preached sexual openness as the root of peace and social reform because it requires selflessness and logical thinking rather than possessiveness and raw, destructive emotion. In many ways they were correct.
While the flower children may have had a point, their ideals do not always translate easily to our modern relationships. Jealousy can be an extremely difficult emotion to overcome. It's rooted in fear of loss, insecurities and many other deep primal anxieties that are not easy to get rid of overnight. Ideally, people who are in successful open relationships usually are a) not very prone to jealousy and b) able to confront and deal with jealousy by talking extensively with their partners and setting boundaries so they feel more in control of the non-monogamous arrangement. Couples' therapy can be a valuable tool for helping overcome jealousy.
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