• Take loving care of ourselves rather than constantly give ourselves up to our children's needs and feelings.
• Set appropriate limits rather than always complying with our children's demands.
• Care about our own feelings as much as we care about our children's feelings.
• Not allow our feelings and needs to be invisible to our family.
• Accept rejection from our children rather than give in to them to avoid being rejected.
• Learn to discern the difference between children's feelings that need to be attended to and feelings that are being used to manipulate.
• Expect to be appreciated and respected rather than accept being taken for granted.

It is not a matter of swinging back to authoritarian parenting. It is a matter of expecting to be treated with respect and caring. Your children will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you allow your feelings and needs to be invisible because you are not attending to them or making them important to you, your children will learn to see you and others as invisible. Children who see themselves as important and others as invisible because this is what their parents are role-modeling may become narcissistic, self-centered, demanding children.

It is not easy to move out of caretaking and into caring about yourself and others. Caretaking others was likely a form of survival when you were growing up. Yet to truly be a loving parent, you need to have the courage to behave in a way that fosters caring and consideration in your children, and this will never happen if you consistently put yourself aside for others.

Source: Health Guidance
Margaret Paul writes for http://www.innerbonding.com.