Bridging the gap from childhood to adolescence can be rough for a lot of kids - and their parents. As a parent, you never know what sort of outburst or frightening revelation is going to erupt from your hormonal, emotional tween. But your tween is still your child - and it's important to be as available as ever for them. Some of the pitfalls of "tween-hood" are fitting in (or not) with peers and social groups; peer pressure involving drugs, sex and other risky behavior; communication issues with technology and cyberspace; and of course, physical changes such as puberty. With all of their emphasis on friends and school, you may wonder where you fit in as a parent. It may surprise you to know that when older kids are surveyed, they actually express the desire to spend more, not less, time with their parents. Listening and not lecturing seems to be the key in getting your child to open up to you. This may be an age when they still feel comfortable asking you questions about sex, their bodies and addictive substances like drugs and alcohol.
Those conversations could be eye-opening and downright frightening to parents, but instead of freaking out, nonchalance and attentiveness are what will help the child feel comfortable delving further into those subjects. Threats of punishment may close the lines of communication. Instead, repeat back what the child has said - "So kids in your class are smoking? Wow." Then listen because giving a nonjudgmental response like that ensures that more details about your child's involvement are to come. Learn to sweat - not ignore - the big stuff, and to ignore the small stuff, like phases they might go through regarding their appearance. If self-expression doesn't put your tween at risk, then let it go. Conversely, don't think using drugs or engaging in sexual activity is a phase that he or she will outgrow. Striking a happy medium between a dictatorship and being the "cool parent" who lets kids get away with anything is the way to make it through the tween years and into adolescence.
