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Those conversations could be eye-opening and downright frightening to parents, but instead of freaking out, nonchalance and attentiveness are what will help the child feel comfortable delving further into those subjects. Threats of punishment may close the lines of communication. Instead, repeat back what the child has said - "So kids in your class are smoking? Wow." Then listen because giving a nonjudgmental response like that ensures that more details about your child's involvement are to come. Learn to sweat - not ignore - the big stuff, and to ignore the small stuff, like phases they might go through regarding their appearance. If self-expression doesn't put your tween at risk, then let it go. Conversely, don't think using drugs or engaging in sexual activity is a phase that he or she will outgrow. Striking a happy medium between a dictatorship and being the "cool parent" who lets kids get away with anything is the way to make it through the tween years and into adolescence.
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